Every year without fail I start the year ready to lose weight, keep my temper, and never say a bad word about anyone ever again. Please try not to laugh too loudly at my failure or lack of realism.

I actually think there’s something vaguely admirable about the 58% of Brits that set annual resolutions as soon as we round the corner into the beautiful, blank, unspoiled new year rolling out before us, like a field of snow awaiting a footprint. It’s that triumph of hope over experience. We may have failed before but this time… yes, this time, this year it’s all going to be different.

Well, we all know what Einstein said about the true definition of madness: it’s repeating the same action, over and over again, hoping for a different result.

So, what do we need to do to rid ourselves or our terrible habits? To make lasting change? To find that elusive peace and happiness that we seek? I think the answer is in the difference between ‘resolutions’ and ‘intentions’.

Here are a set of 4 different statements. Read them and see what jumps out to differentiate language and meaning. Do you prefer one over the other? If so, why?

Resolution: I will go to the gym 4 times a week

Intention: My relationship with my body is balanced and healthy

Resolution: I will lose 3 stone by Easter

Intention: I support my body to be healthy

Resolution: I will spend more time with my friends & family

Intention: I am present and available to my loved ones

Resolution: I won’t not lose my temper with mum

Intention: I am peaceful

The statements above aim to highlight the difference between ‘resolutions’ and ‘intentions’ - a distinction that’s been more nuanced than I ever imagined.

Let’s examine the oh-so-common resolution embodied in the sentence I won’t eat any chocolate, crisps or cake.

The resolution uses ‘won’t‘, which is both negative and future orientated. The voice behind the resolution is negative too. What I hear in the voice is someone saying something akin to ‘I am fat and ugly and don’t deserve to be happy’ (perhaps a little over the top but you get the gist).

A resolution like this is bound for shame and failure. This is because it sets an impossible and unforgiving standard. For if even a single solitary crisp meets the lips, the resolution implodes. One crisp means failure. Get ready for the barrage of self-criticism and internal verbal abuse that follows.

Resolutions don’t give meaning to your life. They are goals set by your head, not by your heart. They focus on measurable results – results that will be judged, and judged harshly, by you.

If we compare the resolution above with an intention like I nourish my body with healthy food there are some noticeable differences.

Intentions are present tense, come from the heart, are qualitative, less specific, and much gentler. They arise from a more positive feeling.

The voice behind this intention says I want to make changes, change is an ongoing process, I will take whatever time it takes to work on this, I accept where I am.

Intentions don’t shame us into making changes. Intentions encourage us to be aware of each moment. They can be set on any day, at any time, encouraging us to cultivate whatever it is that our heart feels it most needs.

So, if you’re thinking about making some New year’s resolutions, can I suggest just this one thought: in 2023, set intentions instead. 😊 😊