I don’t know about you, but I HATE the term ‘self-care’.

I absolutely love and support the idea the term tries to embody – the idea of looking after and improving ourselves. I actively care for myself and try to improve myself. And I advocate it for my friends and family too. But I would never use the term ‘self-care’ to describe that.

My reaction to the term is so visceral that I thought I should ask myself why it bothers me so much. Here’s what I’ve uncovered:
Firstly, to me, ‘self-care’ come in a big messy bundle of ‘self’ words like self-indulgence, self-satisfied and self-obsessed. All are hyphenated words, and all seem a bit too ‘self’-ish. Too many of the people I hear using the expression make it sound more like an unnecessary self-justification (another hyphenated self-word). I think they have confused ‘self-care’ with ‘treat’.

Secondly, to my ears, the term ‘self-care’ means a long list of things I’m supposed to do. These ‘self-caring’ things all clamour for space on my ‘to-do’ list – things like: · Move – go for a walk · Meditation· Listen to a ‘Ted’ talk· Drink spinach smoothie· Jigsaw · Wordle, Quordle, Hurdle· Hot bath with candles· Coffee with friend (decaff of course).

So as a result my ‘to do’ list quadruples in size. As does the stress. And suddenly the ‘self-care’ routine that was created to improve my mental state, increase my energy and connect me to the universe instead becomes a huge contributory factor to feelings of failure, shame and overwhelm.

And finally, I hate buzz words. I don’t trust them. They appear with an agenda all of their own. I hear the word and instantly feel an undercurrent of manipulation without being sure of what response is being manipulated out of me. ‘Self-care’ has been hi-jacked by the marketing departments of the world.

So - instead of talking about ‘self-care’ as a thing we can tick off our to-do lists before we scurry on to the next task - maybe we could just decide to always try to do things that are aligned to our sense of purpose? And maybe we could also aim to intentionally steer clear of things that we know to be bad for us?

Do what brings you meaning. And yes, it’s OK if some of those things bring you joy or simply make you happy! For me, this means yoga, cycling, being outside, and playing with my friends.

Steer clear of things that destabilise you. For example, not getting enough sleep makes us tired, bad-tempered, less resilient, more prone to negativity, and more prone to making poor choices. The answer to that is not to promise yourself ‘self-care’ treats to make up for it. The answer is to get more rest! 

Live your life on purpose. ‘Self-Care’ is not an antidote to lack of intention and self-awareness.